Women More Likely To Cheat Than Men, scientifically proved.

Boredom or feeling undervalued can lead to infidelity.

By Emerald Catron

Got a bad case of wandering eye? You're in good company — a survey of 3000 people found that women are more likely to cheat than men.

The poll, taken by British dating firm Coffee & Company, showed that while 9 percent of men were certain they'd be unfaithful if they fell for somebody else, a whopping 25 percent of female respondents said they would definitely have an affair if an outsider piqued their interest.

How do you know if you're likely to wind up in someone else's bed?

The survey claims that women age 35 to 40 were the most likely to dabble in infidelity. One popular reason: Many are childless and looking to get more than a good-night kiss as a result of the tryst, Coffee & Co. reports.

But that's not the only reason why women are more likely to cheat on their partners, the survey says.

Many look for love elsewhere out of feelings of neglect, either physical or emotional. If sex becomes, well, kind of boring and predictable, women may wander away to find someone else who can spice things up.

Feeling emotionally undervalued or just flat-out ignored can also lead to infidelity. If a husband is neglecting his wife so he can, say, work on his ship-in-a-bottle collection, the wife might go on the prowl for a guy who makes her feel good about herself—as opposed to, say, hanging out with a husband who makes her feel less interesting than a tiny ship encased in glass.

It's important to remember that all relationships take work and none are perfect. The solution to unhappiness in love and marriage is probably not to have sex with a stranger. It's much more likely to involve communicating with your significant other and working out your problems—before you do irreparable harm (just 15 percent of men say they would forgive a cheater).

We know, we know: Talking it out with the guy you love sounds considerably less fun than hooking up with a total hottie on your girlcation. But on the plus side, you're far less likely to get an STD simply by having a civilized conversation in your living room. And in the process, you may even save your relationship and remember why you fell in love with him in the first place.

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Biblical Dating: Navigating The Early Stages of a Relationship

If you've decided you want to start dating. Now what?
Before continuing with this column, please review the preamble included at the beginning of this series, "Biblical Dating: How It's Different From Modern Dating."

PART 3: Just Friends

As Christians in dating relationships, we want to avoid hurting one another and dishonoring Christ by "defrauding" (see NASB translation of 1 Thessalonians 4:6) our brothers and sisters in Christ by implying — through word or action — a higher level of commitment to that person than we have made before God. Because this sort of (perhaps unintentional) deception is a particular temptation in a dating context, we need to be deliberate about avoiding it.
That's where the following practical suggestions come in. Note the phrase "practical suggestions." These are not sacrosanct biblical principles. This is not the only way the early part of a relationship might look. These are simply suggested applications of biblical principles. In the end, there is no formula and no rote substitute for intellectually honest Christians seeking to care well for one another and to faithfully apply Scripture to infinitely varied relational circumstances.
So with all that said, let's consider how the principle of caring for one another well in the early stages of a relationship might look.

What Are We Doing Again?

The first thing that should happen if it has not happened during the initiation of the relationship is that intentions should be established. Whatever that conversation looks like, intentions should be clear and it should be the man making them so. Guys, tell her why you have initiated or are initiating with her, tell her that you intend to pursue the relationship to determine if marriage to her is the right choice before God.
In my view, this establishing of intentions should be done near the beginning of any exclusive or romantic time spent together — preferably within the first two or three "dates" during a deliberate conversation on the subject.

Guys, don't wait until you've had lunch or dinner or "hung out" one-on-one four or five times before you let her know what's going on. The idea is to remove that period of confusion or vulnerability for the woman by being forthright from the beginning about what level of intention or commitment exists (a la 1 Thessalonians 4). You probably won't know at this stage how things are going to ultimately turn out regarding marriage (that's why you date), so you need not communicate that right away. But you should know what you're trying to find out and what your intentions are — that is what you, as the man, must be clear about. From there, you obviously need a response from the woman to know whether or not things will go any further.

If you know the woman from church, if you've seen her interact in a group, observed her with others, maybe worked with her as a part of some ministry, that input should be enough for you to think through the decision of whether initiation of a relationship is the right thing. Remember, your intent at this point is not necessarily marriage — and that's not what either of you are committing to at this stage. You're simply committing to get to know her a little better in an intentional way to evaluate whether the two of you should then consider marriage to one another.

Ladies, as uncomfortable as this may sound for the guys, you might be in a difficult position here as well, depending on how well you know the man initiating with you. What if that answer is "not well at all"? Then I'd ask, have you had any chance at all to see him in group settings, or do you know him by reputation? If you don't have even information at that level, feel free to tell him that you want some time to think and pray about it (that is, if you're not sure at that point that you're not interested).

Then — in addition to actually thinking and praying about it — ask one of your pastors or elders whether he knows him and what he thinks. If the pastor or elder you ask doesn't know him well, he can guide you to a trustworthy source that knows him better.
If you know the man well or at least better than what I've just described, but you are not sure whether you are interested in him, I'd encourage you to at least take some time to get to know him before giving an unequivocal "no." Keep in mind that this is different from feigning interest when there isn't any. There are instances in which you can be genuinely unsure about a guy but still move forward this far.

Let me say it again: Agreeing to date is not agreeing to marry. That's why you date. We're trying to make intentions clear, here, not asking anyone to commit to go the distance with no information.
There are biblical and unbiblical reasons for a man to initiate with a woman, and there are biblical and unbiblical reasons for turning a man down. If you feel that you are not initially attracted to a man who initiates with you, OK — but at least ask yourself why that is. Are you considering biblical characteristics in that decision? Do you have enough information to know that you could not marry this man? If a man initiates with you, ladies, think and pray and seek counsel before simply dismissing him. If nothing else, treating men who initiate well will encourage other men to initiate.

So ... Here We Are

If we are concerned about defrauding one another (again, this idea applies to both genders but particularly to the men as the initiators), another one of the early issues to address is how much and

what kind of time couples spend together.

What kind of time should couples spend together in the early stages of a relationship?
The answer turns on what you are trying to find out about this person at this stage of things. You're trying to find out whether this is someone you should know more intimately en route to figuring out whether this is a person you could marry. Did you catch how I phrased that? You are trying to figure out if you should get to know this person more intimately; you are not at the outset trying to get to know this person intimately. The difference is subtle but important.

One suggestion I have for couples starting out is that the majority of your time together should be spent with other people, preferably with your families and church families. Get to know one another in groups, find out how the other person reacts to people, spend time with the people he or she cares about. This will provide you a chance to get to know him or her well and will also provide a buffer and accountability against getting too emotionally intimate too early.
Many people want to start out a relationship by spending a huge amount of time alone together. This is understandable but unadvisable for a number of reasons. Spending too much time alone promotes a high level of intimacy on a number of fronts, can lead to some level of isolation from other friends, and puts undue emphasis on the relationship in the lives of both people, even before any significant commitment has been voiced.

If you do spend time alone, spend it in activities, read a book together, be in public places, etc. In these early stages, people should not spend long hours looking into each other's eyes over candle-lit tables or being alone together at one another's apartments. To do so courts temptation (so to speak) and implies a level of commitment that's simply not there yet.

Think not just about the kind of time you spend together, but how much. Even if you spend the right kind of time together, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Don't get together (even with other people) four or five times a week. Leave space in your life for other activities and relationships. And don't spend every moment that you're not together on the phone or even emailing or texting or IMing back and forth. Build the momentum (if it will build) slowly.

What Should We Talk About?

Have you thought about the fact that there are some topics that are inherently intimate and that almost automatically promote deep intimacy between two people? What do I mean?
For starters, let me suggest that you not go out in the first week and tell each other the long, teary versions of your testimonies and the greatest personal pain that the Lord has delivered you from in your life.

Don't immediately make that person your confidante in matters personal and emotional. Don't articulate your deepest feelings with respect to your life or even how you feel about that person. Also (and this may seem counterintuitive), I advise folks not to spend long periods in prayer together. Prayer is a wonderful thing, but it's also inherently intimate. Pray for the relationship, but don't spend hours holding hands and pouring yourselves out before the Throne. That may come.

What should you talk about then? Talk about a book you're reading, your interests, your faith (in more general terms or along the lines of issues), things going on in your life. Talk about your values and priorities, ambitions and plans you may have, your families and things that are happening in your church or in the world.

All right. Does this sound cold, uninviting, even deceptive? I admit it's not the stuff of movies, but the very point that I'm making is that at this point it shouldn't be. You are not yet that other person's main provision from the Lord for spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy and companionship. That role is reserved for the person's spouse. You are not that yet. You are in the early stages of seeing if that is a role that the Lord would eventually have you fill in one another's lives, but you're not there yet, and the kind of intimacy I've described is not to be engaged in on a trial basis. Even if it looks more fun or stimulating to go there — and I know it does — it's also defrauding your brother or sister.

Emotional Intimacy

This brings me to the larger principle bound up in these suggestions: Deep emotional intimacy should not be established in the early stages of a relationship.
It's not that you're being dishonest or cold, it's simply being cautious about living out a deeper commitment than truly exists between you. Song of Songs 2:7 tells us not to awaken love before it pleases: Do not start what you cannot — without sin — finish.

The modern, secular idea of dating relationships is to test the waters of marriage by acting as much like you are married as possible until you both (in the very heat of that temporary emotion and passion) decide what you want and either get married, or until one of you decides it's not a good fit and you go through something like a divorce (at least emotionally, if not physically — though that's pretty common, too).

The biblical idea of marriage holds that such level of relating to one another begins when you are married. It's one of the things that makes marriage unique. Our goal should be prayerfully to decide whether the person we are dating should be the one we marry without having to go through a de facto divorce if the answer's no.

Will there still be disappointment and sadness and emotional pain if a "biblical" dating relationship doesn't work out? Of course. There's no perfect way to do this. I assure you, though, that the pain will be lessened by the honest, mutual, spiritual concern for one another that results when two people treat one another like brothers and sisters in Christ first, and potential spouses second. This is for the protection of the people involved (especially the woman), for the witness of the church and for the glory of God.

10 Ways To Keep Him From Cheating

Most men do not cheat because they don’t love you anymore. Men cheat because they want more variety in their sex lives. Some complain of being bored. They want to feel adored by their partners; they want to asert their freedom; they are tired of disappointing you; they want a partner who places them at the center of their life, and they no longer feel like the priority in yours.

Sometimes it’s because you are speaking different love languages, and some men say it is a biological directive to procreate with as many women as possible for survival of the species. Whatever the reason, men have an innate need to feel respected and appreciated by their partners. It is most disconcerting for a man to realize he has disappointed his partner in some way. He wants to be her hero.

So, here are 10 ways to prevent your man from cheating.


1. Be willing to initiate sex. Men equate sex with desirability. Help your man to feel desired by expressing your love in a physical way.

2. Be open to experimentation. It can be easy to get comfortable and fear of the unknown can stop you from being open to different sexual experiences. Allow your man to try new things with you. If you won’t, there will be someone else who will. I’m not saying to engage in sexual activity you find repulsive but allow yourself to experience new things with the man you love.

3. Don’t over-accommodate. Sometimes in a relationship, a woman can become too accommodating. Men get into relationships with a very clear picture of what a lifetime partner looks like and this is often in stark contrast to whom he may have dated casually. Women work to become the person their partner wants them to be and in doing so, they lose themselves. One day, their man realizes this is what he asked for but he isn’t sure it’s what he really wants. Maintain a healthy sense of self in your relationship.


4. Don’t become too controlling. Often without realizing it, when we get into relationships we attempt to control the other person to do what works best for us. We engage in destructive relationship habits such as complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and bribing or rewarding to control.

5. Make sure he knows how much you appreciate him. Sometimes when women “get” the guy and get married, they begin to get a false sense of security. Remember, all relationships are voluntary. A person can leave at any time. With an over 50% divorce rate in this country, we need to remember how important it is to maintain a positive relationship, not simply to acquire one.

6. Let him have time to himself.

Some men cheat because they begin to feel hemmed in by the relationship. Engaging in an affair can provide them the sense of freedom they lose in a relationship. Allow your man time for himself without you. Don’t try to monopolize all your guy’s time. Be open to time apart for him to spend with friends, pursue hobbies, etc. so he does not feel he has no freedom.

7. Be aware of your emotions. Whether or not we are aware of it, women are masters at using their emotions to communicate volumes without speaking any words. We communicate anger, rage, sadness and disappointment that is received by our partners.

Instead of taking that as a cue to do something different, some men begin to look for another partner who idolizes them the way you used to. Don’t forget, your man wants to know he lights you up not that he is constantly disappointing you.

More from YourTango: The #1 Key To Effective Communication

8. Prioritize your relationship. Often, when a man cheats, you will find the woman is also having an “affair” that’s not sexual. It’s more socially appropriate. This “affair” takes the form of prioritizing something, anything, over the relationship. This could be a job, children, a sick relative, a charity or anything that puts her man lower on her totem pole than the first position.

Prioritize your relationship over everything else. This is the relationship you want to last for all your life. Other things will fade away and the relationship will still be there if you tend to it carefully.

9. Learn his love language. If you are not familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, please read it. It has the potential to save more marriages than marriage counseling has. Learn your man’s  love language and speak it to him regularly. He will know he is loved and remain true to you.

10. Find his relationship pattern. I do not know how to combat the biology argument. Some men simply believe it is hard wired into their genes to have sexual relations with as many women as they can. If this is your man, it probably won’t matter what you do. Try to recognize these men early on by asking about their dating history.

 Do You Need Couples Counseling? Here’s How To Tell

If this is a pattern with your man, he probably isn’t likely to change just because you love him best. Your best defense against this problem is to be discriminating at the onset.

If you have read this article and wonder, what about him? What does he need to do? I wanted to write an article for women. I encounter more women in pain over their mate’s infidelity than I do men. This is for you.

And I want to conclude by saying, if you are unhappy in your relationship, don’t point your finger at your partner. Look into the mirror and decide what it is that’s causing the unhappiness. If you want something different from your man, ask for it. If he gives you what you want, then great! If he doesn’t then look inside yourself for the solution. Accept your man as he is and adjust yourself to better be able to manage your relationship. And if he is violating one of your non-negotiables, leaving might be your best option.
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The Difference Between Sex & Love for Men

As a psychotherapist who specializes in emotions, and as a woman with my own personal history of serial monogamy, I have come to realize that some men channel their need for love, intimacy, soothing, care, and comfort into sexual desire.

Here are some examples:

James wants sex when he feels sad because he likes the comfort the physical holding provides. James, like most people, wants to be held when he is sad. In fact, the need to be held when we feel sad is biologically programmed into our brains.


Jonathan wants sex when he’s lonely. He believes it is weak to let someone know that he feels lonely and wants company. Alternatively, he thinks it is acceptable to find and ask for sex, which satisfies his need for human connection.

Sexual excitement is a core emotion. And, as we know from research on emotions, each core emotion has a “program” that has evolved over thousands of years for survival purposes. This “program” causes specific physical sensations and impulses to arise inside us at the moment when a particular emotion is triggered.

Sexual excitement is often physically felt as sensations in the groin area with an impulse to seek orgasmic release. Sadness, anxiety, loneliness, anger, and fear are other emotions that can combine with sexual excitement. The mashup of the tender emotions with sexual excitement is the brilliant way the mind can make sure core human needs are met in consciously covert yet culturally acceptable ways.

Mental health is improved by being in touch with the full range of our core emotions. Therefore, it is in our best interest to know which core emotions are present and driving our desire for sex. Is it pure sexual excitement? Is it a need for comfort? Is it a need for connection?

Knowing the culture of masculinity we live in, it should not come as a surprise that some men feel they have to sublimate tender and “needy” feelings into sexual desire. In the documentary “The Mask We Live In,” filmmaker Jennifer Siebel Newsom follows boys and young men as they struggle to stay true to their authentic selves while negotiating America’s narrow definition of masculinity. If men and boys could own the full range of their emotions, not just anger and sexual excitement, we would see trends in depression and anxiety decrease. Here’s why:

When we block our core emotions (sadness, fear, anger) and needs for intimacy (love, companionship, sharing of feelings, closeness) men and women develop symptoms including anxiety, shame, and depression. Symptoms go away when we become reacquainted with our core emotions. This first step to wellness comes from understanding that it is normal for both men and women to experience sadness, fear, love, anger, and longing for connection both sexual and through talking about our thoughts and feelings with each other. Needs for affection and love are as “masculine” as needs for strength, power, and ambition. Emotions are not for the weak, they are for the human.

Although things are slowly changing, the two main emotions that are most acceptable for men to display are still sexual excitement and anger. The more tender emotions including fear, sadness, love, need, and longing are still considered “unmanly” to express. So it is not surprising that the tender emotions, which have to be expressed in some way, get bound to sexuality. In fact, channeling needs for comfort and soothing into sex is actually a clever compromise. After all, during sex men can unabashedly get held, stroked, kissed, hugged, and loved up all under the acceptable guise of a very manly act — that of sexual prowess. But we can do better by helping to change the culture of masculinity so it is in sync with our biology.

Top 5 Things Men and Women Can Do for Men

1.Educate and normalize the scientific fact that we all have the same universal core emotions: sadness, fear, anger, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement.

2.Inform the men in your life that the need to connect with others and share one’s true feelings and thoughts is normal for all humans, and not specific to sex and gender.

3.Invite the men in your life to share their feelings and thoughts (especially the ones they are ashamed about) while also stressing the point that you will not judge them as weak or feminine for sharing vulnerabilities.

4.Know that humans are complex creatures. We all have weak and strong parts. It’s important to hold all aspects of us simultaneously. That’s the way people feel whole and complete.

5.Recommend to everyone you know the movie “The Mask You Live In,” which is now available on Netflix.

An Overview of Sex Therapy

Having found out that 75% of marital issues are caused by sexual misunderstandings.

These days, many couples find it hard to fit sex into their busy schedules. And it’s perfectly normal for people to go through periods when they’re just not in the mood for lovemaking.

But if you chronically lack desire for sex — for emotional or physical reasons — you may want to consider sex therapy. Seeking treatment for sex problems has become more socially acceptable today, but it’s still not easy for many people to talk to a professional about such an intimate area.

“There are probably a lot of people out there who could use therapy but don’t come because they’re embarrassed. They may go through years of needless pain or dissatisfaction,” says Alexandra Myles, MSW, a sex therapist at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, and in private practice.

Deciding whether sex therapy is for you

Before you decide to see a sex therapist, take the time to explore whether it is really what you need. Myles and other therapists recommend that you:

See a doctor, particularly if your problem is physical in nature. A gynecologist or urologist can detect difficulties due to illness, aging, or metabolic and hormonal imbalances. Prescription drugs, non-prescription drugs, alcohol, and smoking can all affect sexual functioning, according to Judy Seifer, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and clinical professor at Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio.

Learn more about sexuality. In spite of the greater openness about sexuality today, many people have little understanding of their own bodies and sexual functioning. Informational and self-help books and educational sex videos, which are widely available, can be very helpful (see listing below) . Becoming better informed will help you decide whether you really need therapy; some people, in fact, are able to solve their own problems through self-help guides.

What happens in sex therapy

Many people come to sex therapy after individual psychotherapy fails to help them with their sexual problems. Masters & Johnson, the pioneers of sex therapy, discovered back in the 1950s that talking alone wasn’t enough to resolve sexual issues.

“The obvious thing is that you’re dealing with the human body so you can’t just talk about how you feel; you’ve got to work on the physical level as well,” says Myles. Sex therapy generally address the emotional issues underlying sexual problems and employs behavioral techniques to deal with the physical symptoms.
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Proud People vs. Broken People

Contrasting the characteristics of proud, unbroken people, who are resistant to the work of God in their lives, with the qualities of revived, humble people.

Proud people focus on the failures of others.
Broken people are overwhelmed with a sense of their own spiritual need.

Proud people have a critical, fault-finding spirit; they look at everyone else’s faults with a microscope but their own with a telescope.
Broken people are compassionate; they can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven.

Proud people are self-righteous; they look down on others.
Broken people esteem all others better than themselves.

Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.
Broken people have a dependent spirit; they recognize their need for others.

Proud people have to prove that they are right.
Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.

Proud people claim rights; they have a demanding spirit.
Broken people yield their rights; they have a meek spirit.

Proud people are self-protective of their time, their rights, and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.

Proud people desire to be served.
Broken people are motivated to serve others.

Proud people desire to be a success.
Broken people are motivated to be faithful and to make others a success.

Proud people desire self-advancement.
Broken people desire to promote others.

Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated.
Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness; they are thrilled that God would use them at all.

Proud people are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked.
Broken people are eager for others to get the credit; they rejoice when others are lifted up.

Proud people have a subconscious feeling, “This ministry/church is privileged to have me and my gifts”; they think of what they can do for God.
Broken people’s heart attitude is, “I don’t deserve to have a part in any ministry”; they know that they have nothing to offer God except the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.

Proud people feel confident in how much they know.
Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.

Proud people are self-conscious.
Broken people are not concerned with self at all.

Proud people keep others at arms’ length.
Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and to take risks of loving intimately.

Proud people are quick to blame others.
Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they are wrong in a situation.

Proud people are unapproachable or defensive when criticized.
Broken people receive criticism with a humble, open spirit.

                                                                         

Proud people are concerned with being respectable, with what others think; they work to protect their own image and reputation.
Broken people are concerned with being real; what matters to them is not what others think but what God knows; they are willing to die to their own reputation.

Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual need with others.
Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.

Proud people want to be sure that no one finds out when they have sinned; their instinct is to cover up.
Broken people, once broken, don’t care who knows or who finds out; they are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.

Proud people have a hard time saying, “I was wrong; will you please forgive me?”
Broken people are quick to admit failure and to seek forgiveness when necessary.

Proud people tend to deal in generalities when confessing sin.
Broken people are able to acknowledge specifics when confessing their sin.

Proud people are concerned about the consequences of their sin.
Broken people are grieved over the cause, the root of their sin.

Proud people are remorseful over their sin, sorry that they got found out or caught.
Broken people are truly, genuinely repentant over their sin, evidenced in the fact that they forsake that sin.

Proud people wait for the other to come and ask forgiveness when there is a misunderstanding or conflict in a relationship.
Broken people take the initiative to be reconciled when there is misunderstanding or conflict in relationships; they race to the cross; they see if they can get there first, no matter how wrong the other may have been.

Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor.
Broken people compare themselves to the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for His mercy.

Proud people are blind to their true heart condition.
Broken people walk in the light.

Proud people don’t think they have anything to repent of.
Broken people realize they have need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.

Proud people don’t think they need revival, but they are sure that everyone else does.
Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God and for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
Your spiritual life is our objective and you to have a happy home

When It's Hard to Forgive

If he or she has so offended you that is hard to forgive, your heart is so heavy and u just can't let go.

Do you have a situation where forgiveness seems impossible? Perhaps you're thinking, "I just can't forgive this person for what he's done to me. It's too painful to deal with. He's done it too many times. He's hurt me too deeply."

But the power—and the beauty—of the transformed Christian life is that "it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13, NKJV). It will never be the depth of your love that causes you to forgive such heartless acts and attitudes.

It will never be within your power to overlook the wicked lies and wild justifications of those who have made you distrustful of just about everybody. It will be—it can only be—the love of Christ transplanted into your believing heart that can exchange your weakness for His strength.

God's love—and Lorna's

Several years ago, I met a dear woman named Lorna Wilkinson, whose husband had brought a great deal of discord and mistrust into their marriage. He was an alcoholic, and his condition had worsened over the years, bringing with it all the turmoil that tends to accompany substance abuse: financial pressure, irresponsibility, the chaos of never being able to depend on him, never knowing if he'd be where he said he would.

Finally Lorna decided that she had been through enough. She came to the conclusion that divorce was the only way out, the best way she knew to salvage what remained of her life.

So she took the step. She filed all the paperwork, asked him to leave, and prepared to move on.

She was not yet a believer. But providentially, right at that critical juncture in her life, she "happened" to tune in to a Revive Our Hearts radio program, when I was teaching about forgiveness. Her heart was gripped as she learned of the incredible forgiveness God offers through Christ, the way He deals with our sin by perfectly releasing us, thus enabling us to extend the same kind of forgiveness to others.

Day after day, this needy woman continued to listen to the broadcast, her thirsty heart drinking in the truth of the Word. Within a short period of time, her eyes had been opened and she was brought to faith in Christ.

But her divorce was still moving forward ... until the day her phone rang. It was her husband, saying he was sick.

"At the time, I was still frustrated and angry to some degree," she admits. "I said, 'Why are you calling me? Why don't you call 911?'"

He did. Just in time. Her husband was having a heart attack.
Extended family began to gather at the hospital, not sure if he was going to make it. Part of her wanted to be done with him, but somewhere in the depths of her heart, the Lord seemed to be saying, "Go whisper in your husband's ear that he doesn't have to worry about a place to live. Tell him he can come home."

The gift of forgiveness

That day, amid a tangle of tubes and wires and other life-saving devices, Lorna gave her husband the most revitalizing gift of all: the gift of forgiveness.

By God's grace, he did recover. He came home. He was a changed man. Miraculously, he no longer had the urge to smoke or drink. He landed a full-time job and began working faithfully to provide for his family. Newfound love entered their home, a desire to pray and worship, a focus on lasting priorities. There were flowers, postcards, candlelit dinners. Everything.

Early in the process of restoration, there were moments when those old feelings would flood back in Lorna's heart. Lord, I can't do this, she would cry out in prayer. I cannot love him the way You intended me to love. But I am asking You, Lord, to give me Your love, to just let it flow through me to this man.

And God's love slowly began to melt the awful memories. One by one, she began entering into each of those descriptive phrases in 1 Corinthians 13—"Love is patient and kind ... does not insist on its own way ... rejoices with the truth ... bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

As God's love began to fill their home, Lorna and her husband started to experience the kind of marriage she had always dreamed of but had given up hope of ever having. In fact, four months after they were reconciled, Lorna's husband woke her early one morning to say, "I now know that a man should love his wife the way God has loved us. I want to tell you, Lorna, at this moment, I love you that way."

These were the last words she would ever hear from his lips.

"Do not give up on your spouse"

Within hours, a second massive heart attack took him home to be with the Lord. Imagine where Lorna and her children might be today if she had chosen the logical way, the natural way, the vengeful way—the bitter path of unforgiveness.

Imagine the lives that would still be in shambles, the regrets that would have lingered for a lifetime.

"Do not give up on your marriage," she urged the listeners in an interview. "Do not give up on your spouse. Take it to the Lord in prayer and always remember: What you are not able to do for yourself, He will do it for you and in you."

Certainly, not every marriage is remedied the way Lorna's was, even by forgiveness. But even when you can't see the results—though the situation may not clear up entirely or get any better at all—you can still know that you've done what God has required of you. You can continue to forgive as His grace and love flow through you. And you can walk in peace—His peace.